And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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