He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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