talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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