Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
