just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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