I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
