Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
