are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
