the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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