Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
