girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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