If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
