I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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