Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
