Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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