You're completely useless in the revolution.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
