brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
