I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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