this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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