i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
