Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
