and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
