honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
