Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
