he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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