You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
