I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
