It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
