I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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