I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
