It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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