He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the liver wants what the liver wants
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
