just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
