The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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