When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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