her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
