so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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