Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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