i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
