he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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