some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I want is dick and wine.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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