Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
