Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
