can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
