??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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