Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
