If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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