Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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