he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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