Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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