If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
