He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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