oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
