I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
